I am being deprived of my privilege.
Everyone wants to be equal and have the same playing field.
But if that happens, then I am no longer on top, no longer number one.
I’d have no claim to being special.
I’d no longer belong to God’s chosen race.
I’d be just like all the rest – just like all them homos, just like all them foreigners.
I don’t know what that means;
How would I know my place in society if everyone is equal?
I don’t know any other world than this one with its sense of imperiousness:
That calm, wide undercurrent I’ve felt in everything I’ve been taught.
The idea that only my kind worshiped the right God.
Only my kind is civilized. Only my social structure is allowed.
What future is there for me without that undercurrent?
I can’t envision it.
There is no one who will define it for me or show me how to act within it.
The uncertainty makes me anxious, fills me with fear.
A fear that decides to haunt me and grows exponentially
until one day it tips over into an empty vat and morphs into a deep anger
that I can no longer control – and maybe I don’t want to.
It feeds me, this anger.
It validates me and then becomes my best friend and adviser.
I’ve learned there are others who embrace the same anger, welcome the same adviser.
I am thankful for my online brothers,
ours is a private world where we talk about keeping our privilege,
we talk about lording it over others who are not like us,
we say “fuck equality,” we’ll do things our way here.
We encourage one another, “This is our Vietnam,
we’ve got to rid our country of those who think they could ever be equal to us.”
We ask about the best guns to own, we discuss how to cause the most damage,
we feel no remorse at ending the life of someone
who dares to think they could ever be equal to us.
No one can ever be like us.
We won’t lose our privilege to anyone beneath us.
We will not conform to a society where our kind must yield to their kind who smell funny and talk differently, yet want the same treatment.
Even our own President says they’re invading us, and there’s only one solution to an invasion:
Kill the fuckers.
They can’t deny my privilege and render me disenfranchised if they’re all dead.
Author’s note: Some come close to describing disenfranchisement as one of the main underlying problems to many of today’s mass shootings and the white supremacy movement, but they don’t really come out and say it. I wrote this little prose so that we might better understand part of the process of disenfranchisement and open up dialogue about ways to address this issue.